After all that nasty-tasting news about Madeleine McCann, I thought I’d try and cheer you all up. So check out this cheeky little piece about drugged-up spiders at www.cannabis.net A bunch of loons fed spiders with flies drenched in various drugs – LSD, mescaline, hashish and caffeine – and took photos of the webs that the spiders spun while out of it. I don’t know what these crazy chemists were trying to prove. Actually, they probably weren’t trying to prove anything: they were probably lounging around, high as kites on their genetically-engineered skunk weed, when one of them noticed a spider on the ceiling and said, “Hey wouldn’t it be cool if we…” and you can guess the rest, right?
Anyway, if you check out the pics reproduced here, you’ll see that the webs, though a little off-beam, are still functional-looking – except for the one made by the arachnid on caffeine. So what does this prove? That you shouldn’t drink coffee before spinning a web?
Spider on LSD
Spider on mescaline
Spider on hashish (aka “the killer weed”)
No, my point is: the illegal drugs didn’t make the spiders too deranged to (sort of) do the job right. But caffeine – so legal they put it in coffee, dammit! – caffeine will screw up your head, and your web, and you won’t be bringing no flies home for supper. So stay safe – take illegal drugs!!
Just say no to caffeine!!
I’m sure you’ll be pleased to learn that not all the spiders in the lab were degenerate drug fiends.
Web spun by the drug-free, clean living spider (who then went home to fuck and eat her boyfriend)
Incidentally, there were originally seven spiders in the group. But the one on heroin was too busy looking at his foot to join in the web-spinning, while the crack-head arachnid had to rush out to buy another shot.
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