Since David Cameron resigned as prime minister after the Brexit vote, Boris Johnson is one of the favourites to replace him. Some people say “Not Boris! He’s a liar!” And indeed he is a bullshitter of great renown. Here are some of his lies:
“As Mayor of London he promised to totally eradicate rough sleeping by 2012; it doubled under his leadership. His 2008 manifesto promised there would be manned ticket offices at every station; he closed all of London’s ticket offices. He aimed to reduce transport fares; they increased by 4.2 per cent.”
But why should this disqualify him? All politicians are liars (I think… name one high-ranking politician who has never lied and I will accuse you of fibbing…)
I can think of other reasons why he shouldn’t be prime minister. If he does turn out to be a serious contender, I might list some of these to you. But for now: stop flapping!
Gove: “You’re a liar, Boris!”
Johnson: “Aren’t we all…?”
Bob Dylan, pretending to be Justin Wellsby
Justin Wellby, the archbishop of Canterbury, has jumped into the you’re racist – no I’m not- yes you are debate by announcing that it isn’t racist to say that bloody foreigners are coming to Britain to steal jobs from hard-working red-white-and-blue blooded layabouts while receiving free mansions and cars paid for by our – yes, our, not their, hard-earned tax money that we don’t get anyway cos Brits can’t find work here anymore, all the jobs go to bloody Poles and Romanians who have the bare-faced cheek to get up early and get to work on time so they don’t get sacked for being late. Bloody foreigners etc. It’s all down to the EU, if we vote to leave the European Union jobs will fall from the sky like anvils and we’ll be abvle to skip through vistas of Bambified rabbits, birds whistling Beethoven (great Brit, that Beethoven, you wouldn’t catch a bloody Kraut writing such beautiful sounds would ya?) and employers virtually press-ganging folk into jobs that are Grrreat! (the British Tony the Tiger, not the American one who, although he does a good job spying on the Muslims for us, he just isn’t British, is he? Is he?? Pass me a burning cross, I think this area needs a bit of ethic cleansing!!!).
So, vote to Leave the EU or Europe will force us to employ convicted child sex offenders as teachers and will burn public sector workers for wearing small, unobtrusive crosses while those curry-smelling Pakistanis can swan around in masks all they want, the bleeding criminals. Alf Garnett had it right when he was taking the piss out of our Enoch Powell love affair. You can’t say nuffin’ no more, even though the European statutes on human rights defend our right to freedom of expression, doing more than our wonderful British governments managed to do during their millenia of rule over these isles.
It makes me smile when at Last Night at the Proms all the patriots get all proud and weepy as they sing “Jerusalem”, still failing to realise it’s a piss-take, when Blake wrote those words he was having a laugh at your expense, you stupid “patriots”. FFS!
“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.”
– Samuel Johnson
“They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings steal a little and they throw you in jail. Steal a lot and then they make you king.”
– Bob Dylan
Click Stewie! Now! Do it!!