OMG! How dare women go to the beach with their clothes on?

August 28, 2016

As everyone knows, people go to the beach to leer at scantily-clad folk, or to be leered at while scantily-clad.  So how dare anyone go to the beach without flashing their bits at everyone?

burkini1

The burkini is obscene and shouldn’t be allowed anywhere!  At all!

burkini2

Wow, that burkini is really offensive!  It’s got a hood.  And it covers the woman’s legs.  How obscene…

Ok, so burkinis look stupid.  But lots of clothes look stupid, should they be banned?  Like those caps with cupholders so you can drink through a straw without having to carry the can in your hand.  Shall we ban them too?

cup-holder-caps

Spot the dickhead

(Actually, maybe we should ban the cup-holder cap.  And French people.  If we just banned France and fizzy pop, all the world’s problems would be solved, in one (two?) fell swoop.

Now, if you wear clothes on the beach, it’s absolutely appropriate for the police to come and make you strip.  In public.  At gunpoint.

burkini-ban-on-beach-cops

I know France is all tense and stuff after the terrorist crap going on there.  But when terrorists attacked the London Tube did the British government ban hijabs and turbans and white baggy trousers?  Answer: No.  Cos although the Brit government is really really stupid, reactionary and anti-human rights, it wasn’t that  really really stupid, reactionary and anti-human rights.  (I hope our present government hasn’t got that stupid yet…).

 

Oh yeah… don’t forget that the thought police know what you’re thinking:

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Psi-Judge Cassandra Anderson: the acceptable face of thought crime control…

 

 


Like the back of my hand

June 30, 2016

I knew you, I’d boast,
like the back of my hand;
never realizing
that I spent little time
actually getting to know it.

I knew you, for years,
like a member of the family.
But I’d had no family
for most of my life.

I knew you’d never leave me.
When I came home
and all your things had gone
I knew there’d be a simple explanation.

And there was:
you’d left me
even though I’d always known
we would be together forever

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Should Boris Johnson succeed Cameron as prime minister?

June 28, 2016

Since David Cameron resigned as prime minister after the Brexit vote, Boris Johnson is one of the favourites to replace him.  Some people say “Not Boris!  He’s a liar!”  And indeed he is a bullshitter of great renown.  Here are some of his lies:

“As Mayor of London he promised to totally eradicate rough sleeping by 2012; it doubled under his leadership. His 2008 manifesto promised there would be manned ticket offices at every station; he closed all of London’s ticket offices. He aimed to reduce transport fares; they increased by 4.2 per cent.”

But why should this disqualify him?  All politicians are liars (I think… name one high-ranking politician who has never lied and I will accuse you of fibbing…)

I can think of other reasons why he shouldn’t be prime minister.  If he does turn out to be a serious contender, I might list some of these to you.  But for now: stop flapping!

 

Gove: "You're a liar, Boris!" Johnson: "Aren't we all...?"

Gove: “You’re a liar, Boris!”
Johnson: “Aren’t we all…?”

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The EU Referendum: large scale democracy in action

June 26, 2016
The referendum was democracy in action. Voting! What does Spider say about voting?
 
“You want to know about voting. I’m here to tell you about voting.
 
“Imagine you’re locked up in a huge underground nightclub with sinners, whores, freaks and unmentionable things that rape pitbulls for fun. And you ain’t allowed out until you all vote on what you’re going to do tonight.
 
“YOU like to put your feet up and watch ‘Republican Party Reservation’. THEY like to have sex with normal people using knives, guns, and brand-new sexual organs that you did not know existed.
 
“So you vote for television, and everyone else, as far as the eye can see, votes to fuck you with switchblades.
 
“That’s voting. You’re welcome.”
spider-on-voting1


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Britain First a terrorist organization? (No.)

June 17, 2016

After the shocking murder of Labour MP Jo Cox, shot to death in the street outside her constituency office in  Birstall, people are beginning to wonder: is Britain First a terrorist organization?

Several witnesses to the murder have confirmed that the killer, a 52 year old man named locally as Tommy Mair, shouted “Britain First!” as he slew her.  According to The Guardian, Graeme Howard, 38, who lives in nearby Bond Street, told the Guardian he heard the man shout “Britain first” before the shooting and during the arrest.  A second eyewitness, Clarke Rothwell, claimed that the man shouted “Britain First, Britain First.”

tommy-mair

Tommy Mair: allegedly shouted “Britain First” while murdering MP

Aamir Tahir, of the Dry Clean Centre, said the gunman was heard shouting “Britain first”.

He said: “The lady I work with heard two loud bangs but I wasn’t there, I was stuck in traffic at the time. I wish I was there because I would have tried to stop him.”

And, perhaps the most damning allegation:

Witness Daniel Blyth, 38, a company director from the town, told the Yorkshire Post newspaper that the assault was “unusual”. He added: “I saw seven police cars racing up Leeds Road towards Morley. They were unmarked BMWs,” he said.

“There are two helicopters flying overhead. It all seems very dramatic. I have heard that two people have been shot but I’m not who are why. It’s all very unusual for Birstall.”

So, was “Tommy Mair’s”attack a Britain First plot?  Britain First, a far-right political party campaigning for Britain to leave the EU, deny this, saying the reports were “pure hearsay”. It described the attack as a “despicable crime” and added: “We are nothing to do with it.”(“though they would say that, wouldn’t they,” ha ha bonk).  Maybe “Mair” was pissed off about the chance that Britain may vote to stay in the EU… but that still makes “Britain First!” an odd choice of warcry.  Incidentally, Jo Cox was pro-Europe.

The suspect in the MP’s death is believed to have had long-term links to the Springbok Club, a hard-right group that has campaigned against the EU.

He also purchased a gun-making manual from a far-right neo-Nazi group, new documents suggest.

So is Britain First a terrorist organization that should be proscribed, like the Islamist groups that have preached jihad against the West?  Probably not.  But if I shouted “Allahu Akbar!” while shooting politicians, I’m sure the security services would be looking for any link, no matter how tenuous, between me and ISIL etc.

Just let me make it clear: I’m not claiming that Britain First is a terrorist group, nor that there’s any link between this murderer and the organization.  I’m just asking questions.  Which is one of the rights I get living in democratic Europe rather than Syria or the USA.  So don’t get mad at me.  I didn’t invent these stupid bastards.


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Shorter working day = happier, healthier workers

May 20, 2016

An experiment in Sweden seems to indicate that a reduction of 2 hours to the working day leaves workers “brimming with energy” and has “sharply reduced absenteeism, and improved productivity and worker health”.

Nurses at the Svartedalens retirement home have worked six-hour days on an eight-hour salary. They’re part of an experiment funded by the Swedish government to see if a shorter workday can increase productivity. The conclusion? It does.

Arturo Perez, a caregiver at the retirement home, used to come home frazzled from work.  His eight-hour stretches of tending to residents with senility or Alzheimer’s would leave him sapped with little time to spend with his three children.  But life changed when Svartedalens was selected for a Swedish experiment about the future of work. In a bid to improve well-being, employees were switched to a six-hour workday last year with no pay cut. Within a week, Mr. Perez was brimming with energy, and residents said the standard of care was higher.

“What’s good is that we’re happy,” said Mr. Perez, a single father. “And a happy worker is a better worker.”

The experiment at Svartedalens mandating a 30-hour week seems to have worked wonders. An audit published in mid-April concluded that the program in its first year had sharply reduced absenteeism, and improved productivity and worker health.  Daniel Bernmar, leader of the Left party on Gothenburg’s City Council, which is running the trial and hopes to make it the standard, said:

““We’ve had 40 years of a 40-hour workweek, and now we’re looking at a society with higher sick leaves and early retirement.  We want a new discussion in Sweden about how work life should be to maintain a good welfare state for the next 40 years.”

But not everyone in Gothenburg sees it as a success.  If Gothenburg, let alone Sweden, were to adopt a six-hour workday, opponents say, the economy would suffer from reduced competitiveness and strained finances.

Maria Rydén, Gothenburg’s deputy mayor and a member of the opposition Moderates party, says bluntly: ““We can’t pay people to not work.”  Which, on first glance, seems obvious.  But think about it: why can’t we people not to work?  Because companies else where would undercut us?  Well, no, if they also adopted this freer, healthier way of doing things.

The world is so in love with Capitalism, and with the idea of buying workers’ labour as cheaply as possible, it dare not imagine alternatives.  Because Capitalism has been the system for so long, it must continue, say its advocates.  That same way of thinking would ultimately claim that feudalism and slavery are the right way to run the economy as they survived for many hundreds of years.

We need a radical rethink about these matters.  Or we will continue to be slaves to the Capitalist economy that sees individuals as units of work-hours to be exploited as efficiently as possible.  Why don’t we live in the long-heralded science fiction utopia where increasing mechanisation frees us up to enjoy ourselves?  The robots exist.  But it is easier to hire, exploit and fire human workers who have few employment rights.

Maybe it would be good if Skynet took over.  At least they don’t pretend that we are equal to them.  Our managers like to make out that we’re all in it together.  What a joke.


How to defeat tear-gas in a riot

May 18, 2016

Tear gas is a right PITA.  Not only does get into your lungs, causing inability to breathe etc, it’s also a skin irritant, to make any contaminated skin experience pain on the discomfort spectrum.  Lips, mouth, nostrils and nose, all mucous membranes will hurt.  So how’s a standard protestor (or revolutionary) supposed to evade this shite?

The simple answer is: you can’t evade it (unless you’re an armchair revolutionary).  You have to accept the possible dangers, and hopefully find a work-around.

A full NBC suit would be cool.  Except they’re not easy to find, they’re expensive, and if you turn up at a demo wearing one the snatch landrovers will target you.  So, you need a covert “NBC” outfit.

tear-gas-in-a-riot

  • DO NOT PANIC!  Everyone’s gonna be freaked out, blindly running in all directions trying to find a way out of their personal hell.  But you are (somewhat) protected (if you take this guide seriously) so you’re not blind, not panicking (much), everything’s cool so far as you’re concerned (if you’ve taken this guide seriously – FFS take it seriously!).
  • A gas mask (aka “respirator”) will be the best kit to get.  But they’re not cheap, and by wearing one you are marking yourself as a “ring-leader” or some such shit.  Not so bad if you’re wearing a fully accredited press card… the the cops will be busting skulls first, examinating press ID later.  So maybe the respirator will be a problem.  Also, independent bloggers don’t qualify for pass cards.  The world is still playing catch-up with the world of tech.  Stupid world.

    If you already have a gas mask, make sure it is working properly and is correctly fitted. Any masks purchased online or in military surplus stores should be checked by an expert to ensure they work correctly.

    The next best thing after a gas mask is an escape hood, which is cheaper and is not subject to the same export rules.

    You can also use a builder’s respirator that covers your nose and mouth – but make sure that you use appropriate filters. Failing that, a dust mask for DIY and building and airtight goggles will provide some degree of protection

  • Tight-fitting, water-tight swimming goggles will help protect your eyes.  But you’d be best advised to buy them by the box: tear gas will eat away at them, so if you do end up having to use them, get rid of them and find replacements for the next time…
  • DON’T use oil-based creams, sunscreens and make-up; they also absorb tear gas, so avoid wearing these when covering protests where it might be used.
  • Carry a large bandana and a bottle of vinegar.  Soak the bandanna in vinegar before putting it over your nose and mouth to breathe. The combination (although not ‘neutralizing’) will act as a filter to some extent, better than nothing.
  • Wear long-sleeved tops rather than t-shirts, trousers instead of shorts.  Basically, keep exposed skin to a minimum, as tear gas likes fucking with exposed skin.
  • Get upwind or escape to high ground (like a hill or building roof top) – The gas stays low to the ground and high ground may be gas-free.

To write this blog post, I used the following webpages to help in my research:

Check out these sites, I’m sure they’re full of handy hints for the would-be civil disobedient-type.

More on the issue of bloggers and press passes.  It’s next-to-impossible for a blogger to get a press pass, but there nay be ways around this problem.  I’ve thought of one possible solution, if anyone else has an idea please post it up in Comments.

My off-the-top-of-the-head plan:  give “respectable” news producers some great footage.  You can get really high-quality AV equipment relatively cheaply nowadays, and if you offer (not for free, I think) “first use” rights to a news organization, they may at a later time be more amenable to giving you that oh-so-useful pass.  Video important clashes between police and activists, probably focusing on the poor down-trodden folk; interviews with those whose lives have been destroyed by the state.  Stay clear of those “benefits claimants are scroungers let’s kill em all” type shows, maybe focus on BBC News and ITN (producers of Channel 4 News), maybe papers if you trust them (bear in mind that the Guardian have become more and more like govt stooges lately…).  If you provide a channel with front-line coverage, maybe that channel will give you a press pass.  A passport for Sodom and Gomorrah!  My advice: do it!  A reach-around now may give you unfettered access to everything later.  Power to you, dude/dudette!

Good luck!

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